Posted by: randommisfires | November 7, 2008

FFDA

I know what L will grow up to be.

I figured it out tonight.

I’m enrolling her in the Future Funeral Directors of America club.  Because that girl LOVES a good funeral.  And what’s not to love, with the tears and the crying and the water leaking from the eyes and the deep intense emotion that makes you feel like your guts are being pulled out through your nose.  I’ll give her props.  The girl can emote.  And I mean that in the snottiest nosed sense of the word.

We’ve had a few funerals around here.  Dogs, toads, puppies, toads, hermit crabs, toads.  We’ve lost an amphibian or two.  But nothing matches the grief one feels when a fish you’ve kept alive for an entire week gets that glassy look in his eyes.  You peer closely into the bowl, watching for one little flip of the tail, begging the gills to keep flapping.  You blow oxygen into the water, just praying your little heart out that your form of mouth to mouth resuscitation will be enough. Because you know full well Mom doesn’t care about a fish.  But this fish,  this fish is different.  He has swum happily on the counter for 5 full days and part of a 6th.  You have already changed his water 7 times.

If only the window hadn’t been left open last night, freezing him in his spherical heaven.  Why?  Tell me WHY!?!?!?  And amid all of that grief, that intense emotional pain, an outlet.  An expression:

freds-funeral-002

Rest in Peace, Fred the Fish.

Rest in peace, indeed.  Others will soon join you.  You see, L has found the perfect pet, an animal that needs a funeral within 24-72 hours of purchase each and every single time.

I’ll see you at PetsMart- only 12 cents each.

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Responses

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH….perfect!!! hahahahahahahah…the sign on the toilet lid is great….oh man, I’m still smiling….so funny….how long is the sign good for?….and will the sign be perhaps, laminated?…with a place to put in a new name?…..so funny…..

  2. Does she have any words for a dried up frog that was found near the boys’ toy box last week. I actually threw it in the box thinking it was a plastic toy frog before it hit me what I had found. Any words of comfort would be fine. . . 🙂

  3. It always seems like a good idea to put the fish in the windowsill. It seems they’d like the outside view. Sorry you left your window open. Sorry we didn’t… Ours got cooked because it got too hot.

  4. Hahahahahahahhaahhaha(gasp!)hahahahahah(gasp, gag!)hahahah
    hahahahahahahahahahah(dying here, can’t breath-pant-gasp)hahahahahahahahah(Sorry, L, I’m not really laughing at you, your mom is just too funny.) hahahahahah (gasp-can’t-stop-laughing)hahahah

  5. The funny is back

  6. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha that is way funny

  7. You crack me up.


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