Posted by: randommisfires | September 17, 2008

What was that?

For those of you that see my status updates on facebook, you already know that I had to train voice recognition software last night.

OK, I didn’t really have to, but Dave pulled it up on my laptop, and it recognized his voice, but not mine.  Which I was totally fine with, of course.  I didn’t see any reason to spend 40 minutes talking stupidly to my computer in a long and clear voice, enunciating each and every syllable, just like I do when I talk to friends and family.  But really, I might need the voice recognition.  What if I’m driving and suddenly need to wrestle my laptop from my bag, open it up, turn it on, enter the password, locate the start button and control panel, open the accessibility options, find the “use without a mouse or keyboard” option, click on it, and start talking loudly and wildly because there is an uber important email that absolutely must be sent?  You can see why 40 minutes of repeating the same freakish phrases over and over was so important.  By saying, “Speech recognition software makes speaking documents easier than writing them.” at least 1000 times, I have ensured that there are 10 words I can say and the computer will type them right each and every time.  Ah,the magic of technology.

Ok, now, here’s the trial run for the blog.

Me: “Dear readers” “delete readers” “reader” “Strike reader” “mom”

Computer:  What was that?

Me: “Dear Mom”

Computer types: Dude harm

Me: “delete Dude harm”

Computer: What was that?

Me: “Dear reader” “comma new line”

Computer: Dear reader,

Me: “Today, we venture forth on the maiden voyage of voice recognition software.”

Computer: What was that?

Me: “Today, we venture forth on the maiden voyage of voice recognition software.”

Computer: What was that?

Me: “Today, we venture forth on the maiden voyage of voice recognition software.”

Computer: Ladies, we enter foreign the made in voice gum recognition software.”

Me: “Damn it!”

Computer: What was that?

Me: “Stupid freaking speech recognition”

Computer: Stew in freezing speech recognition

Me: “Damn it!  I can’t even get this to make any sense!  No one is going to be able to figure out what I’m trying to tell them.” Which might not be so different from any other post.

Computer: What was that?

Me: “I hate you, you evil little troll!”

Computer:  What was that?

Me: “This program sucks!”

Computer: What was that?

Me: “Aargh!”

Computer: Sleeping now.

So apparently, screaming at the computer now puts voice recognition into hibernate or non-listening mode.  Clearly, the programmers didn’t love the VRS either.

Hopefully, when I need it, it will be to write a paper about how much “Speech recognition software makes speaking documents easier than writing them.”

Advertisements

Responses

  1. lol! You’re very funny…..

  2. I’m in a boring session and had to fight hard not to LOL and look like an idiot

  3. Laughing too hard to write a coherent comment!!

  4. Oh….do NOT get me started on voice “recognition”…I almost lost my job to that kind of software a couple of years ago. I was doing medical transcription and the doctors wanted to try out the “new way” of doing things…one of the doctors was dictating something about a particular finding in the liver and it just came out so badly on the final report…really badly…something about a pig vagina in Kansas…it was bad…and that was when job security stepped in…..

  5. And by the way, I did NOT tell you how hysterically funny your post was…truly truly hysterical….oh my gosh….please write more…get a column…get syndicated….

  6. Laughing.Out.Loud. Your funny Lis!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: