Feel free to skip. . .
Today has been a particularly long day. I barely slept last night, and what sleep I got was filled with weird dreams. I was up at the crack of BEFORE DAWN, which I do not do well, spent several hours driving and 4 hours in community service with a group of teenagers from church. Then, I came home to find out that I wasn’t going to a concert I had been looking forward to, and I was having real anxiety about a situation from several weeks ago that keeps rearing it’s ugly head after I think it is resolved.
And I have no choice but to admit, my problem with the “situation” is partly internal. Somehow, I just have a conflict. I can try to get over it, I can try to solve it, or I can get an outside opinion on what might work to resolve it. But in order to do that, I have to violate another person’s privacy. Which I might have to do anyway, if this doesn’t all iron itself out pretty soon. Confused yet? Me too!
Instead of the concert, Dave and I went out to dinner and ran a couple of errands tonight, and I came home to find out that a new and different conflict is now full blown. Really? Are you kidding me that I have TWO problematic situations- both of which involve my kids- to deal with? Neither one life or death, thank goodness.
And it’s right now that I feel like I am the only one on Earth who thinks the way I do. It’s not so much that I feel all alone, which I don’t, but that I do not have the proper words to explain my concerns, reasoning, or emotions and therefore, they are impossible to resolve. Which probably isn’t true, but it feels that way.
If I react and put things into motion in order to fully protect my kids (albeit different kids in each conflict), I might very well do damage rather than good, but the consequences for not getting these situations figured out are high too. And of course, I have been trained to look for a Win/Win result, which I’m pretty sure only exists in the same world as Unicorns and Ligers.
In this case, to protect the kids, I almost certainly have to take a hit to my integrity and share information I normally would not. Which is sure to get back to the 3rd party and blow up right in my face. It’s starting to feel like middle school girl drama all over again. Anyone else remember how much fun that was?
Is it so much to ask that grown ups behave like grown ups?